Friday, April 12, 2013. Welcome To Atlanta.

My boyfriend (Ben) and I traveled to Atlanta, Georgia in order to celebrate my grandmother’s 70th birthday. My grandmother thought we were in town for a wedding, but we really had planned a surprise party for her. In addition to all the excitement, it was the first time Ben had a chance to meet my entire family (including my parents). That Friday we drove to my sister’s house where we were greeted by my sister (Mattie), my brother-in-law (Chris) and my mother. All of us, minus Max and Chris, went to grab a few more things for the party the next day and had lunch together. Later that evening we went to visit my grandmother and cook for the “wedding” while we waited on my dad to fly in.  That evening, Ben finally met my dad and it went over more smoothly than I could’ve imagined!

Saturday, April 13, 2013. Surprise!

My grandmother was a large part of my upbringing when I used to live in Atlanta as a child. She and I share a bond that I don’t have with any other person. Being the last of my four grandparents to still be alive, I felt extremely blessed to still have her in my life. Aside from me, she helped to raise a lot of other people’s children and was a mother and grandmother to many. I felt honored that she and I had our own significant relationship.

That evening my father walked my grandmother into the hall and we all greeted her with a loud “Surprise!” Filled with emotion, tears immediately began to flow down her cheeks. She was surrounded by so many people that loved her.

Aside from all the dancing, one of the best parts of the evening was when the guests had an opportunity to give a tribute. Everyone all shared stories of my grandmother always being there for them with open arms and how much they loved her. I admitted to everyone that although I was so pleased with the love so many people have for my grandmother, I was almost a little bit jealous that I had to share her. She’s such a wonderful person.

It’s important to give your loved ones their roses while they can still smell them, and I’m glad our family had the opportunity to do that.

Sunday, April 14, 2013. Happy Birthday, Mommy…

Ben and I were ready to enjoy our last day in Atlanta. We began our morning by indulging in a wonderful breakfast at the Sheraton Hotel where we cracked jokes with some of the workers there. After filling up our stomachs (and stealing a few pieces of bacon for Max), we were prepared to head to church and spend time with my grandmother for her actual birthday.

When we got back to the room, we received an unexpected text from Ben’s dad.

“You need to come home asap. Your mom wants to see her family now. She’s starting to see a bright light and that usually means something.” Sun Apr 14, 11:58 am.

My heart sank abruptly. Ben’s mom had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer in November. Having such stubborn ways, we expected her to fight the cancer and overcome but also knew that her time on earth could be cut short depending on God’s plans. We instantly grabbed our bags and rushed to his parent’s house 4 hours away.

The car ride out of Georgia was quiet. How can you know the right things to say at a moment like this?

About an hour into our journey, his mother had called. I was shocked that she was in a condition to speak, but I was glad that he could hear her voice. I knew that gave him strength and courage. He told her he was rushing home to see her and would be there as soon as possible. A few moments later his sister called him from Houston, Texas crying.  She explained that she was desperately trying to get a direct flight to Charlotte that evening. He consoled her and told her that everything would be okay.

“God has a plan for everything,”  he began to explain.

Speaking with her, he quietly began to cry as his heart was breaking for his sister. I had never seen him cry before, and it was an unfamiliar feeling for me.

A few hours later we had finally arrived, and his father welcomed us inside as he always does. I followed them into the hallway leading to the bedroom and waited outside the door allowing Ben to have a moment with his mom. After a few minutes, I walked in and she immediately recognized me. “That’s my other daughter,” she said aloud. I smiled at her. Like my grandmother, she was such a sweet, kind spirited person.  For such a short amount of time of knowing her, I truly loved her so much. Every time I saw her she always called me her daughter and told me she loved me.

The room was filled with subtle music along with roses and a birthday card on her night stand. Like my grandmother, it was also her birthday. Ben read her birthday card aloud to her, and I sat and watched them hold hands for 30 minutes or so. Eventually I decided to walk out of the room to give them more alone time. The last thing I heard her say before I exited was “Ben, I love you SO much.”

“I love you too, mommy,” he replied.

My heart was breaking. How is it that on the same exact day we are celebrating 70 years of life for my grandmother, we were crying for what might have been the last birthday for Ben’s mom?

Monday, April 15, 2013

It’s never been so difficult for me to sleep throughout the night. After a restless night of tossing and turning, we got up around 7:30 a.m. to return our rental car, and then I headed to class at 9:00. I proceeded with my morning as planned. After class ended, I walked to the library with a classmate to study for a big test coming up on Wednesday. It wasn’t until after noon that I realized my phone had been on silent!

I checked my phone. 8 missed calls. 1 from my sister to check on Ben and I, and 7 missed calls from Ben.

DAMN! How could I have forgotten to check my phone at a time like this?!

I called him twice until he picked up the 3rd time. He delivered the horrible new to me. His mom had passed away at 10:30 a.m. My heart shattered into a million and one pieces. I should’ve been there to answer on the first call. My heart was thumping with guilt. He was already at his parent’s house, and I didn’t have my car with me. I called my sister and told her the news.  She relieved some of the guilt from me, making me feel a little bit better.

Approximately one hour and a $60 cab ride later, I had finally made it to Ft. Mill, SC where his parents had just recently downsized into a new home. When I got there his dad hugged me and told me that I just missed her. The funeral home had already taken her body away.

The guilt came rushing back. Why hadn’t I been there? I walked inside the house and his sister and I hugged and cried for a short moment. Although everyone was obviously saddened by her passing, they all seemed to be in a good place.

I was blessed this past weekend to be able to celebrate another year of life for my grandmother. On April 14, two beautiful women were born into this world to share blessings with so many people. They were both mothers to many and their lives will continue to be celebrated whether they are still here on this earth or gone away to be with the Lord.  As Christians, we don’t only celebrate lives through birthdays but also through passings.  Our tears come from being selfish beings, but as Christians we heal by knowing that our loved ones who are know longer with us are living eternally with no sickness or pain.

It means so much that Ben and his siblings were able to share a final moment with his mother and wish her a Happy Birthday before saying goodbye. Many of us aren’t granted that opportunity with loved ones who have passed.  To be able to give your loved ones their flowers while they are still alive is TRULY a blessing.

If you have someone in your life that you love from the bottom of your heart, let them know. Don’t wait until the day of their funeral to give them their flowers and let them know how important they are to you.

Ben. As your best friend and girlfriend, I will do everything in my power to be here for you.  I may not know the right things to say, but you are always in my thoughts and prayers and our God will bless you with continued strength.  My family loves you very much, and I am so thankful that you had an opportunity to meet them all.  Until we have a chance to be with your gorgeous mother again, we can share mine.