It happens to all of us every day. You get rejected. Your customer doesn’t buy. Your boss doesn’t agree. Your crush doesn’t say yes. It happens to you even more often if you’re a really ambitious individual with big dreams.
In 10th grade, my “big dream” was to date this super hot senior named Jeff.
I don’t know why I was so fixated on the idea of him, but I was. He was close with my good friend Greg, so I asked Greg to put in a good word for me. I waited around for DAYS (yep, that’s a long time when you think you love someone) for a response. It turns out Jeff said there was no way he would/could date me.
Unfortunately, I was just 16 years old and he was 18 and going to be headed off to college soon. Boo. How awkward when I run into him in the hallways?! Talk about devastated!
Since then I’ve gotten over it, but here a few things I’ve ask myself when I feel rejected in my personal or professional life.
1. Is this situation permanent?
Imagine going to a job interview for one of your top job choices. After sprucing up your résumé and wearing your favorite blouse to the interview, you get the “we regret to inform you” email a week later. Does this mean you’ll never be able to work for the company? Probably not. Could you reapply after gaining 6-12 months of experience at another job? A good possibility! When you’re faced with rejection, decide if it’s still going to be important to you a year or two down the road. If it’s not, no need to be so bummed. If it is, do what you can to prepare for that opportunity again.
Look for ways to explain your rejection as temporary rather than permanent.
P.S. I actually ended up at my friend Greg’s house for a party on my 18th birthday. Jeff was there. We may or may not have exchanged numbers.
2. Is this situation pervasive (universal)?
Let’s say you came up with a really great product. The first 3 prospects you show it to are completely uninterested. Does this mean your product isn’t as amazing as you think? Will EVERYONE universally decide that your product is horrible?
This is something you might experience before finding your target audience. It’s possible that you’re rejected because you’re going after the wrong group of people.
Look for ways to explain your situation as specific instead of universal.
Rather than “everyone hates what I have to offer” try “this specific group of people isn’t interested in what I have to offer”.
3. Is this situation personal?
So you finally find your target audience. In fact, you saw someone on your Facebook comment on how they would love to buy a product that you happen to sell. Great. So you reach out to them with a sales pitch and they tell you that now isn’t a good time for them to buy. Shut down. Why? Was this personal? Or did they just not have the funds at the time? When you’re trying to decide if something was personal ask yourself, “if anyone with the same credentials as me would’ve attempted this, would there have been a different outcome?” If the answer is no, it’s not personal. In this scenario, if the prospect can’t afford your product, they simply can’t afford your product. No matter who you are.
Here’s the thing, though. Sometimes it’s okay to take rejection personally. Maybe that prospect didn’t buy because of you. Did you give a poor presentation? Were you able to answer all the questions they asked? Did you display value in your product? If you feel that this rejection was something personal, take that opportunity to grow. When you take things personally, you need to be able to take some responsibility for what you couldn’t accomplish/deliver and improve on it.
Rejection is one of those things we can’t avoid, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Asking yourself the 3 P’s (permanent, pervasive, or personal), can help us look at our situation in a way that alleviates the pain of rejection.
How do you handle rejection?
P.S. Me and Jeff kissed on my 18th birthday at a party Greg hosted. 😂